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Yesterday my girlfriend posted a letter to her grandmother on facebook. Her grandma doesn't use facebook but Kirsti needed someone to share with as she sat by her grandmother's side in the hospice. The ugliest thing about brain cancer is that it steals the mind first. The ugliest thing about cancer is that Kirsti's grandma has spent most of her life fighting to live- four relapses of breast cancer. Tonight Kirsti is praying alot because she believes this may be her best friend's last.

You may not believe in the God that I cling to in my dark moments but I am certain that we can negotiate a heaven and hell that we both believe in. I am terrified of the liminal space between life and death. I cannot wrap my mind around this degree of suffering. That someone who has truly fought to live must still drift apart, mind from body, and ugly pain in both directions. I don't know how to understand what her eyes might see now, or what she might hear as her family gathers to pray. Or if my own uncle knew that we prayed for him. What does it feel like in that space? To know that death is seeping in, that it will hurt, and that there is nothing left that can be done? Purgatory. A medical and spiritual reality. Heaven then, for you, may simply be the peace of death. My heaven entails a spiritual fulfilment because I need to believe that even suffering comes to fruition. But we agree on the peace of death.

So please tonight, as I pray to my God, pray too for a heaven. Pray that after the pumping and surging the hum of silence is beautiful. Pray for Kirsti's grandma.

In Faith,

Megan

Dear Grandma, I am sitting here with you beside your bed, and there is so much I wish I could tell you. As you lay sleeping I think of all the
adventures we've had together, the laughter we've shared, and the lessons you have taught me. I think about what its going to be like when you are in heaven watching down on us. I want to tell you how much I am going to miss you, how much I love you, and how much you have inspired me. But I feel that words are not enough. I know me going to school was always so important to you, so I want to make sure you know that I am going to finish school, and I will try my hardest to get the best marks I can. I will live every day in a way that would make you proud. I will be a role model for my sister and cousins, making sure to be there for them as you have been there for me. Whenever life throws an obstacle at me I will think about you and how strong and brave you were.Truth be told grandma, I don't know what to expect when you're gone to heaven. I just can't imagine my life without you in it. I wish I knew how to tell you how much I will miss you, and how much I love you; but I know you don't like to see me sad, so I've wrote you this letter instead. I know that there isn't much time left, and that soon you will be with God, but I am not going to say good-bye. Because I know that you will always be in my heart and in the hearts of all of those who's lives you have touched; I know that you will always be watching over us.

I love you Grandma, you will always be in my heart.

Kirsti Cook

What kind of teacher am I?

I keep a little "black book" full of teaching ideas that blindside me when I don't need them (because I can never think of any when I do). Throughout my APT I have been gathering adjectives and statements that my students, mentor teachers, family, and friends have used to describe me. Recently I organized them into a mind map hoping to find an image of the teacher I am. What I love most about the mind map are the contradictions- they speak volumes about the educator I want to become and the obstacles between "there" and now.

Some Observations:

"Obsessed, OCD, and Pushing Too Hard": As the cliche goes, my greatest strength and weakness might be the same. My perfectionist's nature drives me to be the best teacher I can be but also causes me to be impatient with myself. I need to be more patient with myself, and to accept that the art of teaching takes time. Right now my family is worried that I'll burn out.

"Funny and Sarcastic": An insightful grade 12 student pointed this out to me. The balance between sarcasm as humour and sarcasm that hurts is very fine. I am usually good at reading students and predicting who can handle my humour and who cannot but I must always be cautious.

"Accomodating vs. Too Lenient": I tend to be very empathetic when it comes to extending deadlines or adjusting assignments. While the students recieving these favours are always grateful, other students who have worked hard to meet deadlines sometimes get frustrated. I do not believe that fair means equal, nor do I believe that deadlines and late penalties are always good indicators of learning. I can't be a pushover but I do believe in extensions and and exceptions. In my own classroom I would make my criteria for extensions or exceptions clear in advance.

"Friendly vs. Overwhelming": Apparently I exude quite an air of confidence. I say "apparently" because I often feel awkward around new people and I'm not usually aware of my outer confidence. Unfortunately my confidence can be intimidating for students. I'm not certain yet how to channel my confidence into approachability. However, student warm up to me quickly after I've had a chance to be goofy around them.

"Easy to Read": During parent teacher interviews my mentor teacher pointed out that my body language really gives away what I'm feeling. I am trying to become more conscious of how I react to the things that parents and students say to me.

"Creative and Innovative": I really feel that these are the traits that make me "me", as a teacher and in everything else I do. I love creating, innovating, and problem solving. What I have enjoyed most about teaching language arts and social studies is the room for creative curriculum and lesson planning that they afford. I also truly appreciate the freedom my mentor teacher has offered me to experiment during this APT.

To go on longer would be narcissistic (me? no...). However, I'd reccommend this reflective activity for anyone who is focused on growth and change- it really helped me look into myself. I intend on creating a similar mind maps at different stages of my career to "map" my evolution as a teacher.

Student Feedback On My "Voices" Unit

Here is an excerpt from the unit outline I created for my ELA 30-1 Voices Unit:

What does it mean to have a voice? In this unit we are exploring the concept of “voice” and how it is projected through different written and visual forms by comparing the responses of several authors to the same event: The Holocaust. We will think critically about how and why voices are exchanged in society and the important themes that emerge from these conversations. A number of important themes will emerge from our exploration of Holocaust literature. We will concentrate on: Affirmation on the Human spirit; the human will to endure or survive, Experiences which change one’s perception of self and the world; turning points, limitations, and How social conditions affect the individual’s attitudes, values, and behavior.

Despite the dark nature of Holocaust studies, I was very excited to share this unit with my students at DCHS. I developed this unit as a highly formative learning experience and was excited to see how students would react. Here is a brief description of some of my activities and assessments:



Postcard Assignment: to learn about "voice" students were challenged to write a series of postcards from the perspectives of a German soldier, a German civilian, and a concentration camp prisoner.



Postcard Assessment: Students shared their first two postcards in peer review workshops. They were divided into small groups and given the marking rubric that I would be using on the final postcard. The students recorded their constructive feedback in reflective journal entries and used it to improve their next effort. I evaluated the final postcard in one-on-one conferences with the students so they would have an opportunity to see how I evaluate and to justify their written and visual choices.



Reflective Journalling Assignment: Students were given reflection assignments related to the different works we studied. Ie) A found poem in response to the imagery of Night by Eli Wiesel, A cartoon frame analysis in response to Art Spiegelman's Maus, and a variety of personal response questions.



Reflective Journalling Assessment: Throughout the unit I took the students journals in to read and respond to them. In advance I told the students that I would decide which entries would be officially marked at the end of the unit. I selected four substantial entries and evaluated students using a rubric focused on the quality of though and effort they put into their entries rather than technical details or specific answers.



The final entry that I assigned the students was an evaluation of the unit. I wanted to critique the content of my unit, the assessment techniques I used, and my instructional strategies. Fabulous responses! These students have a great handle on the concept of constructive feedback. I recorded their observations in my own notebook:



Overall I really enjoyed this unit. Witnessing and reading the passion of students is a priceless experience. The topic provoked powerful discussions in class and brilliant written responses- critical, creative, and personal! I will be using the critical feedback I recieved to fine tune this unit in case I can use it again (*crosses fingers... let there be an ELA position open!!!). Notably, some students struggled with the "openess" of the reflective journal assignments I gave them. Though I wouldn't change that challenge, I will borrow some exeplar responses from this go-round so my future students have an idea of what is possible.

APT Midpoint Evaluation

Sneaky... Very Sneaky.

It seems like I only blinked and two weeks evaporated before I even had time to reflect on them. I really dove into planning my Voices in Holocaust Literature unit for the ELA 30-1's. I am passionate about the issues in this unit and more importantly, I want my students to be well prepared for their diploma exam. I am also wrapping up units with my Social 10-1'S and ELA 20-2's- both are completing major assignments.

I am a firm believer in formative assesment and have planned all of my units to be heavily formative with summative evaluation at the end after several peer-review or teacher-student workshops. I am paying for this now as I will be drowning in evaluation for the next two weeks. It seems like I spend every waking moment working on lesson planning or evaluation. This weekend I went to visit my girlfriend (the one whose grandmother is dying of brain cancer)and spent the whole time reading and commenting on student journals.I also went to visit my own grandmother and spent a lot of that time re-reading the novel I am teaching.

I just finished a round of anti-biotics to get over some inconvenient virus and I need to take better care of myself. I am well aware of the relationship between leisure time and mental/physical wellness but it doesn't change what I need to get done here or how many people I have to please. I want my students to feel that they are valued, I want their parents to believe I am teaching, and I want my mentor teacher to see creativity and know-how, and I want EVERYONE to see that I work hard. Yet every time I am temtped to become bitter about this "life-sucking" practicum I can't help but blame myself. Who I'm really trying to impress is me. I know I could rely more heavily on external resources but I instinctively opt for my own ideas. I want to find my own creative potential and offer my students personal and inspirational lessons.

What I need to do now is re-adjust my scales. I need to bring the priorities in my personal life back into balance. I need to curb my ambition for the sake of my health, my relationships, and the longevity of my career. I need to re-direct my energy towards integrating outside resources into my creative vision. I also need to take time to appreciate the small successes I am having. The students have matched my ambition with their own creativity and hard work and the results have been amazing.

Snow Day

In a rural community hell must literally freeze over before the buses are canceled. The first thing I do in the morning (other than uttering death threats at my alarm) is look out the window to see how early I'll need to leave to contend with mother nature. This morning I couldn't even see the front porch. By 9:00am I finally convinced myself to dig the car out (then get it stuck on the other side of the house). Tomorrow I expect pestilence or locusts.

Building Repoire

It seems I'm overdo for a seasonal plague so this week I'm having the headaches, sore throat, and upset stomach all in one convenient package. Also adding to my stress: my girlfriend's grandmother- a woman I have come to deeply admire-is succumbing to brain cancer after five battles with breast cancer. If the phrase "it never rains but it pours" hadn't already been coined somebody in Delburne would have thought it up in the past couple weeks. Beyond the tragedies immediate to our school (see Feb. 2009 posts) it seems that we- students and teachers alike- lug the gravity of our personal lives to school as well, be it a common cold, depression, or the knowledge that someone we love is suffering. The combined weight can be exhausting and I have become increasingly conscious of what helps me stay afloat. In the past two weeks I have laid the groundwork for meaningful relationships with many students. Sharing moments of humour, understanding, and success with my students has kept me motivated and optimistic about my practicum and life. I believe that at the end of the day the school should be a community of caring. We may be struggling in entirely different ways but teachers and students benefit equally from knowing that they have a community to count on when life gets heavy. I'd like to share some of the ways I have been building repoire with my students:

Share Experiences
My students began to connect with me when I shared personal stories and experiences- especially embarrassing ones. I had a ten minute lull at the end of my ELA 20-2 class earlier this week and decided to tell my students about my first experience in their small town. I had made a quick stop at the grocery store and in a rush hopped into my gold Ford Taurus and had my hands on the wheel before I realized the car wasn't mine! In fact, my (identical) car was parked right beside it. Why don't people lock their cars in this town?! The students thought this was hilarious and began to share stories of their own. This was my breakthrough with a group of students who were very hesitant to accept and respect me. Even students that have an issue with the teacher in me seem to like the "person" in me.

Recognize Individuals
My classroom is full of individuals, not generic students. I have hockey players, dancers, video gamers, and cowboys and they appreciate that I remember this. I'm making an effort to provide opportunities for my students to share who they are in class. I have started a "Canadian band of the day" ritual with my Social Studies 10-1 students. Every day we sample a couple of songs by a Canadian band that a student has done basic research on. Not only are we getting our recommended dose of Canadian content, but students have an opportunity to share their interests in music (and music is life for many students).

Have A Presence
I've learned more about my students from conversations in the hallway than in my classroom. Mornings before class, lunch hour, and my planning block have been precious opportunities for me to connect with students. Two simple phrases have dramatically changed my hallway experiences at DCHS. The first couple days of my practicum found me floating through the hallway surrounded by curious glances. I decided that I would confront students rather than leaving them to stare. "Good morning" and "how is your day going" have become habits for me. I get a burst of energy in the morning because I am greeted by my students.

Get Involved
My favorite teachers were the ones who showed up at my basketball games, dressed up for theme days, and support school fundraisers. A couple of my students have invited me (and reminded me repeatedly about) the senior boys' and girls' basketball games tomorrow night. This is another chance for me to find common ground with my students- I love basketball and I'm a vocal fan! I also made a point of bringing cash for the bake sale today. Just my luck- the cookies were sold out but I could tell that the students were excited to see me in line.

MY MOOD IN MUSIC: "Degausser" by Brand New

Stumbling upon solutions.

I've found the best way to solve a problem is to step away from the immediate issue and leave my mind open to new possibilities as I stumble upon them. If you know me well enough you're thinking that this sounds a bit too happy-go-lucky for a control freak. Perhaps "stumbling" isn't the best word for my process. I use the same critical and creative processes I preach to my students to construct unique solutions out of the possibilities and inspirations I encounter every day. Here's an example:

On Thursday I was stressing about what I'd do the next day with Mr. Banks' ELA 20-2 (applied language arts) students while he was hosting another staff conference. I've mentioned in other posts that the 20-2's are a tough crowd. Earlier this week I'd had reasonable success reviewing story elements with them but they were expressely disinterested in "reading more stupid short stories". In fact, 10 minutes of independent reading is a miracle with some of these students! What I needed was a story that would actually engage the students and a way for them to analyze story elements with limited note taking (too many notes means an angry mob). By the end of the day I had brainstormed myself into a rut and left to take my sister to her drum lessons.

On the way home from drumming I was subjecting Tess to a tour of my Ipod when "The Mariner's Revenge Song" by The Decemberists came on. I proceeded to rant about how the song was really a story with background music when I had one of those brick to the head epiphanies. What better way to engage the students in a story?!! "The Mariner's Revenge Song" isn't pop music by any stretch but it features a Tim Burtonesque storyline and a toe tapping rhythm. I decided that I would print out the lyrics and have the students follow along while I played the song.

A close look at the lyrics revealed everything I was hoping for: some challenging vocabulary, fabulous imagery, and all six story elements were viable for discussion. I decided to add a visual element to the lesson as well. Instead of having students make notes I found sets of coloured highlighters they could use to colour code hints in the story that informed them of the important elements. Finally, I planned for the students to work on the vocabulary in groups and contribute their answers on the board- the busier they stay the better.

The lesson was a huge success. I even noticed some toes tapping as the 20-2's followed the song without a single complaint. Colour coding kept students more involved than the usual note taking and I could't believe the outcome. The 20-2's were making important connections that they wouldn't even touch in the previous lesson simply because they were engaged. I had a lot less trouble with classroom management because there were so many transitions in the lesson. I hadn't planned for this but between listening to the music, using the dictionaries, writing on the board, colour coding, and discussing, the students had few opportunities to complain or wander off task. There were a few discipline issues as usual, but at the end of this lesson I felt great about the students and my teaching.

Today's vocabulary lesson, courtesy of my ELA 20-2's:


Here's a dramatic adaptation of the song. The story has great curricular potential. I heard that The Decemberists were a Canadian band but it turns out they're from Portland Oregon. Definitely worth a listen!

On The Fly

Today flew by on an air of determination. The school community is absorbing their latest dose of tragedy (see 02/24/09 post) with resolve. Students and teachers are emotionally exhausted but they continue to strive for the sense of community that was so important to their late colleague- a trust fund is being set up and students will be invited to submit cards and donations.

Mr. Banks was busy hosting a staff development conference today and I was responsible for all three of his classes. My grade tens and twelves were fantastically co-operative as expected but it was the infamously stubborn grade elevens that made my day. I haven't had a lot of exposure to the elevens but my few interactions have been very frustrating. I was nervous about how they would respond to my authority without Mr. Banks nearby and was pleasantly surprised (read utterly shocked) by their co-operation today. I am drowning in self satisfaction as I type this: it wasn't a miracle, it was good planning!

As I mentioned, today was fast paced and I didn't have a lot of time to plan a lesson on story elements that Mr. Banks warned me about well in advance (read 20 minutes before the class started). I assumed that the elevens would be relatively familiar with story elements as they are a curricular mainstay from elementary school onward. Before I plunged them into a short story and paragraph response I decided that I would do an elements review. WELL. Blank stares all around! For this group every free moment is an opportunity to drift irreversibly off topic so I had to modify my lesson on the fly. I decided that we would do the assignment together so the students would have a chance to see and discuss story elements as they encountered them. I abandoned my theoretical approach and explained the elements in terms of video games and blockbuster movies. Some of the students drifted off but I chose not to nitpick and focused on keeping the lesson moving so I wouldn't lose the whole class. Results! The students were "slightly" engaged but the small victories eventually add up.

Conflict: Teacher (character) vs. Boredom
Rising Action: Students don't connect with my lesson.
Climax: I modify the lesson on the fly!
Resolution: Students understand content and interact.
Theme: A dynamic classroom requires a dynamic teacher.

From despair comes...

I have been preparing a unit for my ELA 30-1 class on "voice... what is it and how do we use it?". We will be examining how authors project their voices through various textual and visual forms to share experiences and make social commentaries. To set a context for the unit Mr. Banks and I selected a variety of works adressing the Holocaust. This is not the topic of the evening but I wanted to acknowledge the uncanny parallels between the themes I will be exploring with my students and the present circumstances of their community. Delving into Holocaust literature will challenge the students to reflect on humanity's capacity for evil and suffering, hope and resillience. I am mourning the fact that these kids got a head start yesterday.

This is week two of my practicum at Delburne Centralized. It didn't take long to sense the strain of a small community being tugged at the seams. In the past couple years DCHS has been at the centre of several tragedies including two student fatalities and the passing of two parents. The teachers are emotionally exhuasted and bullying and depression have a strong presence amongst students. Sadly, yesterday brought the community to a new pinnacle of tragedy. Out of respect for those affected I will be brief about the details: on Monday DCHS lost a staff member, three students lost their mother, and a homicide investigation is underway.

I had no expectations for how today would unfold. In this profound darkness I am wide eyed and learning so much about hope and resillience. The staff and students assembled today and went through the motions with more grace than I could have imagined. I admire the honesty and humanity that DCHS staff are offering their students. I also admire the composure of my students and the dignity they contributed.

The gravity of all this has yet to set in for me and presumably many other staff and students. This will be a time of careful observation. Many of our students were already struggling with the weight of life and this could become a breaking point. The administration has been proactive in providing counselling for staff and students but my small town experience suggests that students and staff will be relying on personal relationships to get through this.

I am an observer more than a participant but this is an experience that I will not take for granted. I have a feeling that I will be the student and my students the teachers as we explore voices of suffering and resilience next month.

New Literacy

If “newb” is still a fashionable word it fits me in every sense. I am a student teacher completing my final practicum at a small k-12 school in rural Alberta. The more time I spend in the classroom the newer I feel to my profession. I am constantly amazed by the creativity and innovation of the teachers and students that I encounter.

I am very fortunate in having Mr. Stephen Banks and his partner in crime Mr. John Ferguson as mentors for my practicum. Banks and Ferguson are devoted to creating 21 century classrooms but what does this mean? I have decided to concentrate my practicum experience on exploring what it means to be a 21 century teacher and learner. I think that this is a wavelength I’ve been on for quite some time but without a full consciousness of the implications. In countless professional reflections I have noted technology as indispensable to authentic assessment, relevant lessons, and constructivist learning. That these reflections took place on paper attests to the fact that I am not walking the walk! I’m considering this blog my maiden voyage into the realm of 21 century learning. What an epically vague term… When Banks and Ferguson get on the topic they practically speak a different language! I’ve been gathering terms and concepts for further “deciphering”:

Archaic Terms
New Literacy
Web 2.0
“Open” learning, resources, conferencing, etc.

Resources To Explore
Twitter
Jing
Voice Threads
Ning Sites
Wiki Sites
Google Docs

“New Literacy” is perhaps the most crucial concept in 21 Century Learning. From what I understand the “new literacy” is a call for people to become both familiar and comfortable with the technology around us. This is especially important for teachers as we must equip our students for the media/technology rich world around them. New possibilities for communication are appearing daily and embracing them may empower our learners in ways previously unimaginable. I’m excited to join the conversation!